A few days ago I posted a very, very personal log, in which I was telling a bit about the relationship with my mother. It still hurts, but the last years our contact is slightly recovering, however it is still very fragile. She does belong to my life, just as every mother should belong to her children’s life.
Without wanting to point out an accusing finger to my old, venerable mother, I simply needed to tell the facts that turned me into the one who I am, and how I realised that no one has the right to be deserted and that everyone deserves to be loved.
The world has so many deserted children. And sometimes I feel one of them. And I felt the need to prevent my son of being hurt like I was in my life. And I felt the need to prevent others from feeling alone, from feeling deserted and from feeling so immense rejected as a person. Because, whatever the intentions of people around were, I felt immensely rejected during my life.
My mother deserves to be loved. My mother deserves to be cherished. My mother deserves the people around her she needs. And regrettably, I am not able to join every part of it. The relationship between us is one of ongoing, never ending struggles, taking inexpressible much energy away from both of us. There was no way of even understanding each other for a longer period of time. I was hurting her, and she was hurting me. My needs did not reconcile hers… Her needs did not match with the things in life I was able to give to her. There simply was no other way of surviving all the arduous differences between us than living my life on distance from hers. However, every day, I send her my love. And every day I hope she does not feel alone. I hope she feels loved, cherished and cared for. Like my dear father did when he was still alive, loving her, caring for her, cherishing her like no other creature could be capable of. He really was a guardian angel. And I feel he still is.
It is sad, but it gave me a life lesson, feeling left alone in that hospital bed, with my newborn son next to me while my body was giving up living. It explained me about life, about love, about the right to exist of all creatures on this earth. It changed me forever. But in the meantime, I felt a childish need to be loved. I felt the need to be saved. I felt the need to be comforted. By my mother. And she obviously did not understand what happened in my soul when she walked away without fulfilling my desperate needs… Whatever her intention was, I felt immensely deserted that moment.
Sometimes a person you meet in life, takes away your energy. The two souls of you simply do not match. In many ways, there is no one to blame. It simply does not work between the two of you. You have the right to live your own life, another person has exactly the same right of living his or hers. Your roads are going in a different direction and sometimes you just have to deal with it.
Sometimes you just have to let go… Not because the love is missing, but because you have to live your life in your own way.
But promise me, in case of going your separate ways, love each other and respect each other. Every one deserves to be loved. This can also be done from a distance. Even when you are not there. And if you have the feeling there is no place for love, please don’t feel to presumptuous to show at least your respect.
This life lesson made The Goose*. As a Goose, I hope to help other creatures. In making their life beautiful. In making the life of others beautiful. To tell people it is ok to be weak. It is ok to feel sadness. It is ok to cry. I want to show them life is ok. Life can be loved. Life can be lived. By loving, by comforting each other and by listening to each other. By taking real care of each other. By taking care of the world around us.
Beautiful Life. Mooi Leven, by De Gans.
Lots of love,
De Gans ♥
*This log has been reviewed a few times to keep it up to date and to protect every ones feelings as much as possible.
The last review has been done february 2018, including the url of the post.