Another part of the story behind my blog

This will be my first post in English. More to follow. As the world is big, I felt the need to share some of my thoughts and the history behind my blog with my followers from abroad, and therefore some of my future posts will be published in English.

Patty, a beautiful, lovable creature from “Kruidroermenietje“, nominated me for the Bloggers Recognition Award. I feel really honored to be mentioned, so thank you very much Patty. I will cut my response to the nomination in two, as I never follow rules as they are indented.

Well… About my blog. Sorry, cannot be brief on this part. That is why I will share this post separately. I love writing, I always did. But life took me in another direction before I realised I was on the wrong path. Becoming a mother, in very difficult and even dangerous conditions like HELLP, left me with an important question about life. Almost dying gives people lots of material to think about. You become a real philosopher. Looking at the end of your life, gives you a very rooted wisdom to take with you when you survive. About life, about love and about the paths you will be following in the future.

But, however, before I was able to put my new discovered wisdom into practice, life gave me other challenges to deal with first: my own mother deserted me, as I felt. She seemed not to be capable of taking care of my needs when I was sick with all those heavy pregnancy and birth complications, almost dying and, in the meantime, becoming a loving mother myself. She clearly did not understand my feelings and the disorder I was facing, she was not able to cope with my own vision of motherhood and neither showed she any understanding for me being so ailing and worrying about my own little newborn child. She went away, leaving me and my son alone in our beds at the hospital. I was a mother who was deserted as a child and no matter what I did or did not, I never have been able to reach her ever again. Even until today our relationship is very difficult and broken. On top of that, my dear father, the one who really understood me, who was my guardian angel in life, who always showed me to trust my own heart, who was the absorbing bumper in the emotions between me and my mother, suddenly died of undiscovered lung cancer… A proliferating beast killing him in a couple of weeks time. Forcing and clubbing the big, strong, beautiful blossoming tree of my beloved father into a broken grey shadow of death, lying beaten at my childish feet. I simply could not understand…

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Picture by rihaij Deutschland, on Pixabay

So many difficult, rather ‘traumatic’ events and the world did not wait for me to heal. On the contrary: the world forced me to keep going. To run when I needed to rest, and to swim when I had no more persistence of even being able to float. Life was an ongoing thunderstorm and I barely could survive it. Life was becoming so difficult, so ‘unlivable’…
I could not combine my feelings after surviving the challenge of giving birth when my own body decided to give up living, with the challenge of the world telling me to ‘keep my head up and enjoying my child’ and ‘keep working hard and just deal with your absent mother’ and ‘fathers always die first my dear, that’s life’. So I went down…completely overtaken by forces that hit me, and that almost killed me, again.

But then loving and caring people came to me. Saved me. They helped me back on my feet again by showing me that I was important. That I was someone to be loved, to be cherished, to be taken care of. That it was ok to be broken. That is was ok to mourn. So thanks and all credits to my loving husband and son, to my loving mother in law, to my doctor and my therapist, to my boss, to the family S, to ‘a sister’ and to my closest friends and neighbours who kept on visiting me, listening to me and loving me. For not deserting me or turning their backs on me. But for staying with me, side by side. Thank you.

I realised the importance of being loved, of being looked after, cared, of being secure, of being heard and of being saved. Still not recovered, I will recover at some parts, but other parts, like my cardiovasculair system and parts of my brain seem really damaged and probably will be weak forever, I made my decision of starting a blog. Humble, on a simple Facebookpage. With quotes and short novels to tell others not to feel alone or deserted. To give hope to people when they feel so desolate. To tell them to listen to their hearts. To tell them all human beings have a right to be loved and not to be deserted. To tell them you always have the right of keeping distance to all who and all what will hurt or damage you. To tell earth is a small place to live and all creatures have a reason to be. To tell the ‘real world’, the universe, is so much bigger than what we can see and observe. I believe we simply need more love and modesty.

However, Facebook is ok for short and superficial messages, but those real stories deserve a more respectful platform. So after a couple of months, I started my free blog at WordPress.com. Low key, so giving up could be easily done in case of any disappointment or weakness from my side.

But…people loved my writings and I loved being read! So after two months, I started my own page. A very big risk for someone with such a low level of energy, but also the path I was following and what really was feeling as beeing my home. www.mooileven.org is my second child and I hope it gives anyone the opportunity to survive life. To survive bad events, to survive the pressure of society, to survive the needless opinions of others, to survive themselves. By teaching, by thinking and by sharing my thoughts and experiences with you all.

I love life. And I love to survive. And I love to love, sharing, carrying and caring this with you!

Thank you for reading my story.

Nothing but love, from Hans de Gans ♥
Marije

Click here for my next post, where I will go ahead with the challenge of accepting the Bloggers Recognition Award.

recognition-award
Picture: Pixabay

Picture in header by Alexandra von Gutthenbach-Lindau, Oslo, on Pixabay.

Volg je Mooi Leven, by De Gans ook al op Facebook?
De Gans gakt ook op Instagram en soms verschijnt een quote op Pinterest.

13 thoughts on “Another part of the story behind my blog

  1. Marije you write so beautifully and openly. Thanks for sharing our moving story. I wish you well on your continuing journey of hope and life, and look forward to reading more of your insightful posts.

    1. Dear Denzil, thank you so much. It is difficult to be so openly without hurting or even harm others you love. But always keeping the reason why I started blogging in the first place away from the blog itself, seemed a bit curious to me. So I started to open up a bit. It is done with as much respect and love as I could. Thanks again.

  2. If it weren’t for dear Patty, perhaps you wouldn’t have seen my blog – which means that probably I wouldn’t have ready yours? However it came about, am very glad to visit your wonderful blog! Life holds many challenges – often I’ve been helped through by good friends, often by kind strangers. I love how blogging offers a chance for people on other continents to share their troubles and triumphs.

    1. Maybe our paths would have crossed in a different way. I have discovered an amazing, wonderful world full of wisdom when I decided to go blogging. So grateful to meet all those beautiful souls! Thank you ❤

  3. Wow, what a way to tell I passed you the well deserved award.
    You have a beautiful soul (why I passed you the award in the first place) and I’m sorry your mother can’t get that. My mother doesn’t either and it hurts, but I learning to live my life without her.
    Since you are starting to write in English too, I’m going to send you a request by email 😉
    Big hug, XxX
    Vlieg met Patty mee naar… It’s just a game. Is it?My Profile

    1. Thank you <3 Please send me the request 🙂 I am writing an English log about my mother. For sure, I did not want to point out an accusatory finger to condemn her. She also is a creature to be loved and cherished. But unfortunately, I am not able to give her what she needs... And that makes me very sad. But also it gives me so many energy to write about. To make things better. To make life more beautiful. I wait for your mail. Happy Goose as I am! Thanks again! Love xxx

  4. Poe, Marije, heftig verhaal… En nee, ik reageer niet in het Engels. Ik hou zeer van je schrijfsels, en je weet waarom. Op een of andere manier vind ik het jammer dat ook jij nu (net als Patty) in het Engels gaat bloggen. En dat zegt heel veel over mij… 😉 Ben wel benieuwd naar deel 2, of dit uitlegt waarom je nu in het Engels schrijft…. Van mij mag je gewoon in het Nederlands blijven schrijven, mooi mens!
    Vlieg met Anuscka mee naar… Sint Jan: een onuitroeibaar natuurfeestMy Profile

    1. Het blijft gewoon vooral Nederlands hoor, wees niet bang. Zo nu en dan een Engelse post omdat een aantal vrienden van mij mijn teksten ook graag leest en ik soms aan het vertalen sloeg Dat Nederlands blijft dus wel ❤

  5. You write in English, so I will comment in English.
    I normally pass on a long piece written in other languages, but after a couple of lines, you had me..
    I needed to read on, read what drove you, what beat you down, what helped you back up..
    It was written from the heart, a pure but damaged heart.. still beautiful though!

    You moved me.
    Your story really touched my heart..
    It´s strong people like yourself, that make me want to stand up a little more straight, my head a little higher and a smile a little bigger.
    We all deserve to breath, to live, to love.. you made that real clear!
    No wonder you got nominated for such a beautiful award!
    Can´t wait for part 2 😀

    much love <3

    1. This was the most touching part, really 😉 The other one will be the offical respons to the award. Thank you! Big kiss xxxxx

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