When being a child, I used to look forward to every important day.
The day my grandmother came to visit me, or when it was my time to spent the night with her. My birthday, a holiday trip, whatever… I looked forward to it, my childish eyes widely open in naiveness, as only a child could feel.
One day, I looked so much forward that someday I turned out feeling disappointed after the event took place. I could not believe that the day I was looking forward to became such a big disillusion. Once I discovered this feeling, I completely turned over to the other side. Always being afraid of being disappointed in what happened. Always scared of what might happen.
Continuing this way of thinking for years, this turned out to be a severe depression. Nothing could make me happy any more. Nothing big, but, even worse, nothing small as well.
I discovered simple life.
The simple day to day events, the birds singing, a butterfly swirling in the sky, the colour of an early flower, blossoming in my garden. A bee, looking for its nectar. The buzz, touching my ears with a promise of good, yellow honey later on that summer.
I started to realise nothing beats the feeling of disappointment better than simply expecting nothing of the things to come. Just enjoying the moment. Collecting flowers when possible, and dealing with the bad when it knocked on the door of my life.
The simple solution is expecting nothing, but enjoying the feeling of the looking forward to something. With a clean, unexpecting heart.
It needs some practise, some understanding of your own pretty thing in life. But when finally implemented in your life, it is such a big feeling of joy.
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